How to Reconnect with Your Femininity, Softness and Self‑Worth
(A letter to the part of you that is tired of being “strong” all the time)
This is written for you, beautiful woman.
You’re great at being strong. You keep everything going—work, family, messages, appointments, emotions. On the outside, you seem to manage. Inside, though, you might feel drained, numb, or lost. Maybe you scroll at night, too wired to sleep and too tired to care for yourself, while a quiet voice says, “I miss myself.”
When You Feel Disconnected from Your Feminine Self
Maybe you recognise yourself here:
You feel more like a machine than a woman—always doing, rarely resting or receiving.
It’s hard to relax—jaw tight, shoulders up, and always on guard.
You criticise your body in the mirror or compare yourself to others, even though part of you knows you deserve better.
Being “soft” might feel unsafe or silly because you’ve been taught to be practical, efficient, and strong—not emotional or sensual.
You care deeply for everyone else but feel uncomfortable asking for help or expressing your own needs.
Psychologists and mental health groups see this pattern in many women: chronic stress, too much responsibility, and perfectionism slowly separate us from our bodies, intuition, and joy. Spiritually, it can feel like your feminine essence—softness, creativity, sensuality, and intuition—hides away to survive.
It’s Not Your Fault You Lost Touch with Your Softness
You didn’t suddenly decide one day to give up your femininity. It happened gradually.
Maybe you grew up hearing that emotions are “too much,” that rest is laziness, that softness is weakness. Maybe you moved to a new country and had to be in survival mode just to build a life – dealing with visas, jobs, kids, language, and money. Maybe you became a mother, or went through heartbreak, and your system went into protection mode so you wouldn’t fall apart.
The nervous system is very smart. When it senses a threat (emotional or physical), it moves into fight, flight or freeze. For many women, that looks like: working harder, overthinking, “shutting down” feelings, living in the head instead of the body. Over time, being in this mode becomes normal – but normal doesn’t mean healthy. As Clarissa Pinkola Estés writes in Women Who Run With the Wolves, the wild, instinctive woman inside you never disappears; she just waits for you to remember her.
Now, let’s clarify what femininity and softness really mean in this context.
I’m not talking about pink dresses, makeup, or being “nice.” I mean feeling at home in your body—not perfect, just yours.
Trusting your intuition – the quiet knowing in your belly and heart.
Allowing yourself to receive: support, care, pleasure, rest.
Letting your emotions move through you instead of locking them away.
Living in cycles, not constant pushing – days of action and days of deep rest.
Mental health research shows that when women listen to their bodies, allow emotional expression, and build supportive relationships, stress and anxiety are reduced significantly. Spiritual teachers remind us that this is not selfish; it’s alignment. You can give from overflow, not from an empty cup. Marianne Williamson writes, “As we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same” – Your softness is not a risk; it’s a gift.
Speaking to Your Pain Points Honestly
So let me ask you gently:
Are you tired of always being the “strong one,” the one who holds everyone else, while no one holds you?
Do you sometimes feel like a stranger in your own body – disconnected from pleasure, desire, or even simple comfort?
Do you find it easier to criticise yourself than to offer yourself kindness?
Do you secretly long for softness like candles, baths, touch, creativity, or slow mornings but feel guilty or “unproductive” when you try?
Have you forgotten what you actually like, beyond what’s needed from you?
If your heart whispers “yes” to any of these, nothing is wrong with you. It just means you’ve been in survival mode for a long time.
First Step: Let Your Body Exhale
Before you change your life, start with your body.
Science shows that when the nervous system feels safe, healing and emotional openness follow. Simple practices can start this shift.
Slow, deep breaths with longer exhales (for example, inhale to 4, exhale to 6) help move your body into “rest and digest” mode.
Placing a hand on your heart or belly and feeling your warmth sends a signal of self‑soothing and safety.
Gentle movement – stretching, swaying, walking slowly – helps release stored tension and bring you back into your body.
Sound baths and soothing frequencies have been shown to reduce tension, anxiety, and negative mood, while increasing feelings of peace and spiritual connection. Lying down in a sound journey, your body softens; your mind can stop “doing” for a while; your nervous system can experience what softness actually feels like again. This is not a luxury. It’s medicine.
Rebuilding Self‑Worth from the Inside Out
You might hope self-worth will come when you “fix” your body, job, or relationship. But research shows self-worth grows when you treat yourself as someone who deserves care—even before things are perfect.
Some gentle ways to start:
Notice your inner critic and add a kinder voice: “I’m doing my best with what I have today.” Respect: going to bed earlier, saying no, choosing food that nourishes you, and attending a circle or a sound bath.
Surround yourself with people and spaces where your sensitivity and softness are welcomed, not mocked.
Books like The Gifts of Imperfection and Women Who Run With the Wolves remind you to see your vulnerability and wildness as strengths. Brené writes, “Owning our story and loving ourselves through that process is the bravest thing that we’ll ever do.” Each time you choose yourself, you rewrite your story of worth.
Spiritual Feminine Practices to Try
If you feel called, try practices that gently nourish your feminine energy:
Try this evening ritual: light a candle, place a hand on your heart, and ask, “How are you, my love?” Then write for 5 to 10 minutes without censoring.
Softness in the body: Take a slow bath or shower and massage oil or cream into your skin with gratitude, as if blessing your body.
Sound and stillness: Lie down, listen to healing sounds (or join a live sound bath), and set an intention like “I allow myself to soften” or “I am safe to be myself.”
Circle and sisterhood: Sit with other women in a safe space, share honestly, and let yourself be witnessed. Research shows that community significantly reduces stress and strengthens resilience.
These are not “extra” things. They are how you rebuild a relationship with yourself.
A Personal Invitation to You
If something in these words touched you, if you recognise yourself in this story, and you’re tired of doing it all alone, I created my spaces exactly for women like you. On our website, you can find women’s circles, sound baths, gatherings and retreats – spaces that are not about perfection or performance, but about honesty, softness and real connection.
These are safe spaces for women, especially for those who carry a lot, feel deeply, or live between cultures and languages, and sometimes feel “too much” or “not enough” at the same time. In circle, you are invited to arrive exactly as you are – tired, messy, emotional, curious – and be held by sisterhood, sound and gentle guidance. Research shows that this kind of supportive community can ease stress, loneliness and anxiety in profound ways.
If your body feels even a small “yes”—a little warmth in your chest or a pull in your belly—I invite you to follow it. Visit our website, explore upcoming women’s circles, sauna and sound retreats, and gathering spaces, and pick the one that calls to you. You don’t have to be “ready.” You just need to be willing to take one step toward yourself.
